The Darkness of Fear

The darkness was not just around me; it was within me. Every light pierced me more, as if life had become an endless maze. I was the boy who feared everything—people, loneliness, and even bright and conflicting things. Bright colors made me feel anxious. If there were no bright colors, I would fear the darkness instead. It felt like everything was against me. My fears were not logical—they felt like a cocktail of all the phobias in the world.

I remember one night, lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling. A dim light from the bulb filled the room, but it only made me more uneasy. Inside, I felt trapped—as if my life was a maze with no exit. At that moment, all my insecurities, failures, and fears surrounded me, standing before me. Everything questioned me:

"I’m scared of everything, as if my life revolves around fear. How long can I keep trying to live with this fear? Every small or big thing frightens me, and I keep running from it. But I know life cannot be lived by running away all the time. Will I ever be able to face my fears?"

That was the moment I heard a faint voice within me. A question that wouldn’t let me rest:

"Will I ever be normal? Is there any possibility of change in my life?"

This question took me on a journey—a quest for one thing: purpose.

Is Purpose Just an Illusion?

I used to think that purpose might be just a story people tell themselves, like a fairy tale. But if purpose isn’t real, how do people face their fears and struggles? This thought left me confused.

I began to explore my fears through curiosity. When I feared darkness, I asked myself, “Why do dark colors make me uncomfortable? It’s just the absence of light. Is this just an illusion of my mind?”

I realized that my fear was just a brain response, trying to protect me from uncomfortable and unknown situations. It was a revelation, but it was just the beginning.

The Magic of Wabi-Sabi

As I started dissecting my fears, I discovered something else: my imperfections were my uniqueness. During my research, I came across a beautiful article about Wabi-Sabi—a concept that teaches us to embrace imperfection as true beauty. I used to think my flaws made me weak. But then I realized that everyone has weaknesses, and they can become strengths if viewed from the right perspective. It aligned with Albert Einstein’s philosophy of embracing imperfection rather than hiding it.

When I began understanding and confronting my fears and insecurities, I felt like I was regaining control over my life. My fear, low self-esteem, and weaknesses had improved significantly. But there was still one gap—confidence. It was the missing piece that held me back every time I tried to present my work to the world. Along with fear and shyness, another question haunted me:

Is my purpose real, or is it just an illusion?

Until I understood the deeper meaning behind my work, purpose felt like an overhyped concept, and confidence like a temporary emotion. I thought purpose was just a story we tell ourselves, an illusion that gives us temporary hope. But everything changed when I began to see my work from a broader perspective. That’s when the real journey of Purposefusion began.

Money and Fame vs. Impact

When I started writing my first book, I had only two things in mind—money and fame. I believed that if my book succeeded, people would appreciate me, and I would achieve the success I dreamed of.

But this journey was not as easy as I had imagined. Whenever I thought of sharing my work with others, I felt an overwhelming shyness and fear. I would think, “What will people say? What if they don’t like my work?” This fear always forced me to hide my work. My confidence was low, and I tried several methods to boost it:

Watching motivational videos: I thought experts’ tips would bring me self-belief.

Working on discipline: I fixed my daily routine, completed tasks, and pushed myself.

Experimenting: I tried new ideas in my writing style and approach.

But each time, these methods worked only for a short while. My confidence would improve temporarily but then fade away. I felt like something was still missing. Even after discipline and practice, I couldn’t sustain my confidence.

The Turning Point: The Power of Purpose

Everything changed when I began developing the concept of Purposefusion. When I started viewing my work from a broader perspective, I realized what my true purpose was. I understood that my writing wasn’t just for money or fame. It was for people who were struggling to find a balance between their career and life.

When I connected my writing to this bigger goal, a different kind of energy emerged within me. My focus shifted from money and fame to impact. I began to feel that if my book could change even one person’s life, my work would be successful. This thought became the source of my confidence. Once I found a meaningful reason behind my work, my shyness and hesitation started fading away.

Initially, when I started writing, my mind was focused only on superficial goals. But while writing Purposefusion, I felt a deeper connection. When you do your work not just for yourself but for the world, you experience a unique sense of fulfillment and self-belief.

Is Purpose Real?

This was the biggest realization of my life—purpose is not just a theoretical concept. It is a practical force that can transform your fears and doubts into confidence. Purpose is real because when you understand the clear “why” behind your work, you feel naturally motivated and fearless.

Discipline and experimentation made me consistent, but my discipline found direction only when my purpose became clear. As long as my “why” was unclear, discipline felt like just a routine. But when I saw a meaningful goal behind my work, my discipline and efforts became a mission.

Purpose not only gives you confidence but also brings authenticity and depth to your work. It’s a natural process—when your work aligns with your inner values and the needs of the world, you don’t just survive; you thrive.

Key Lesson

Purpose is real, and its proof lies in every phase of your life. When your work is driven only by external rewards—like fame, money, or approval—it’s hard to sustain confidence. But when you find a meaningful reason behind your work, your fears disappear.

This is the essence of Purposefusion.